What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
