i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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