this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
