My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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