I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize