so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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