We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
