I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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