Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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