my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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