Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
