Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize