I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
