Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
