I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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