I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
