turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize