Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
