you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
