That's intense
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
