i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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