I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
