is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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