i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize