Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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