"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
