Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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