you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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