just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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