I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
