you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
