I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
