somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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