just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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