I puked a lego.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
