Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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