A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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