nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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