ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
