I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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