the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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