Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
