i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
