Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
