My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
