I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
