Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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