I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
