evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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