So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize