y did u give ur computer a hand job?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
