I forgot how hot balto sounded
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
