Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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