Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
