Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
