Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
