Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
