He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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