I wish you could order shots online.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
