I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
