A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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