I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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