My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
