I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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