Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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