Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
