Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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