he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
