im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
