Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
