it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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