If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
