Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
