Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
