but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god it's open bar.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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