Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
