she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
