Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
