So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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