You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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