Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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