I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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